well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
