Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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