i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
