I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
