New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
