yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
