My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
