He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
