...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
