Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
this beer tastes like vomit already
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
