Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
