OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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