I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the condom got lost in my hair
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
