ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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