he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
