I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
