My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
