He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize