remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
