it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
