Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
