Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
