So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
