Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
