so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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