people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
