He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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