Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
