Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
