Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
