I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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