Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
