if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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