My first STD was from a foam party
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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