there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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