I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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