The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
