You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
