I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
