This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
