Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
