My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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