ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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