dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
