Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
