I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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