Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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