It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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