Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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