The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
