I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
