i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
