Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
