In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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