I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
