Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
