I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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