you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
