The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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