Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize