Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
