I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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