I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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