How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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