i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
